Night 8: Memories

Sent Chiakaban and Rilakkuma to Serangoon MRT before heading home today.
Passed by the food store where I conned you that I hadn't eaten, but actually I had.
And in the end, you over-ordered as usual had we had a blast fun time trying to finish all the food.

Grilled fish and lala.

Then I saw this. Reminds me of our own fond memory of Gordon's meme,
"Why did the Chicken cross the road?"
"Because you didn't f**king COOK it!"

So many memories, whichever way I turn.

-Gordon at his best-

Night 5: The Start

It hurts so bad.
The pain is totally unbearable.
Every step that I take makes me wince.
I can't walk straight with the pain.

I did 10 squats in the morning before going to work.
And I ran/hobbled/walked 1.5 kilometers last night.

PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

I'm truly a lembik taufoo.
And this taufoo miss youuuuuu.

Ok I admit I did tear a bit when saying goodnight to you.

But seriously that car alarm which did not get shut down for 30 minutes really got on my nerve!!!
I even fell asleep without knowing when it was eventually done.

Exercise is good. It makes me tired and pushes my body out of its unhealthy comfort zone.
And it makes me sleep easier too.

My thighs are still hurting. *moans*
If you were here I'd want piggy-backs everywhere...and snuggles, and cuddles, and everything lah.

Love you! End of Night 5 of 115. Come on!

I've enslaved myself to my Work (nah)

Heh. So I thought.

Truth be told, I can't focus on my work.
I may begin to attempt a task, but my thoughts wander to what you're doing, but yet I refrain from texting you, or replying your texts (yes I am aware you will read this).

I gotta learn how to get through this phase, to get used to it, at least for these 24 months, if not, it'd be for nothing, right?

I can't keep texting you and telling you I miss you, you'd already know that, we know that, but no amount of "I miss you so much" messages is gonna make you appear right next to me...and I've got to accept that fact.

From breaking large tasks into segments, and breaking segments into more segments, I can't even get one bloody teensy weensy segment done! And I'm so angry with myself!

Then I turned to Mr. Google and read some "long distance relationship" survival blogs, which some are like totally shit, they go like this...

"Five things you need to know about long distance relationships:

It's a bad idea
It's a bad idea
It's a bad idea
It's a bad idea
It's a bad idea"
-from here (it was a comment of the article)
Obviously that person was a beyond moronic moron.

I read so many other things today, some encouraging, some made me wanna cry (but I didn't!) and some made me miss you even more.

And the end of the day, it's us that is the deciding factor of whether this will work out.
Well, us and some of these pointers that I've summarized from the articles/blogs I've read, to motivate US, love:

1) An End Game Objective (Why are we doing this?)
- a target to justify the stress of being apart (eg, your reaping of experience, us being together after 24 months)

2) Trust is Super Duper Important
- it already is, in a normal relationship, but even more so in a LDR, but in our case, we seem quite alright with this, right love?

3) Communication despite Timing Issues
- well, we kinda know this too right? Singapore - United Arab Emirates has a bloody 4 hour lag. Gah. Sob sob. At least now we have a dumbo Siri to accompany us in one way chats so we don't look lonely and pathetic.

4) An Accepting Attitude
- we apparently have to accept the fact that relationships in general aren't easy, and adding long distance to the mix means it's worse, and adding our time difference factor in, hooray, a combo we just love eh?

5) Planning
- to make sure we plan the next meet up before this one ends. Which in our case, we did, via my buying a plane ticket to see you in July as soon as we received your one way ticket to the United Arab Emirates.

On a positive note, I had a pretty decent appetite today, finished 2/3 of the claypot tikus-noodle that Kheng and I shared. =D
Although this might have been attributed by my pathetic breakfast of one apple and one kiwi, like seriously WHO DOES THAT?!

Argh I miss you!!!! But it seems to be looking ok, I think?

I can't stand Buses, Trains & Malls (right now)

Everything reminds me of you.

Seeing the stampede of couples everywhere I turn, does not ease the pain.

I hate it when I see them holding hands.

I hate it when I see them looking at each other.

I hate it when I see them lean on each other when the train lurches.

I hate it when I see them steal kisses on the escalator.

I hate it when I see them hugging on the train.

Everything reminds me of us.

Get me back to Bishan, maybe I should never have left the room. 

Damn this guy just kissed his girl so loudly. DAMN!

Night 3: Iron Man and Moi

Yup, I watched Iron Man 1 and Iron Man 2.
Hated the kiss kiss scene at the end of Iron Man 2. Made me mish you soooo bad.

And yeah, I still cried quite a bit last night.

Ok let me dig out the source of why I'd burst into a waterfall:

1) The nights
Why are the nights the most unbearable? Because we've been physically seeing each other for almost every night since 16 months ago. Seeing through screen totally sucks.

2) Changes
For example yesterday when the fat woman moved the room around and removed the bedding from your bed. But worst of all, she folded the card you left for me. I know, its not a big deal, but the significance of that card to me is so great that I was totally crushed when I saw a nasty fold in the card.

3) Talking about you
When friends ask me how I'm doing, and I'm not doing well. This should get better in like, half a year?

4) Missing you exchanges
When we chat and we start missing each other and everything we'd usually do.
These can range from a slight sniffle-trickle, to a whole electric storm.

But anyway, that was the end of Night 3 without you. Perhaps it was Iron Man, but I went to sleep a little faster. Shall note it as a way to cope. Hmm.

Night 2: A chikopeh, drinks, and clubbing (I tried)

For every alternate "mope" post, I will HOPE to have a "positive" post.
I have to, if not this blog will be so damn gloomy and pathetic, and so will I.

Hence, as it was Friday, the solution I turned to, to cure my gloom, or so I thought, was Mr. Booze.

It was actually a forced client dinner-drinks-social thing which my manager, R, conned me into attending with his message:

"...so I confirmed that both of us are going, so don't say no ok? Hahahahahaha...."

Erm. Moron????

But anyway, if I hadn't gone, I would have been cowering in my room and crying my eyes out, so I went. I did not dress up. I did not feel like it.

We went to Hooters, seriously, Hooters. Le Sigh.
Skimpily dressed girls with WTF bodies, you could see the muffin tops begging to be released from those uniforms! I felt sorry for the girls who allowed their butt cheeks to be so scantily exposed. Then I also found out, from my chikopeh client, B, that Oh! The girls come from many places! Philippines, Vietnam, China, were the few that were interrogated when they served our beers.

As it turned out, there were only 3 of us there, my manager, R, the client, B, and moi. Epic. Stuck with two guys, drinking, on a Friday night. Awkward. Well, I was the lead of the project. So I had no real reason to back out. But hurrah, luckily for me, the client remembered the prior years' leads and asked if they were also available to join us for drinks. One was a girl, the other, not. And both agreed. GOOD.

Hence the party now had, my manager, R, the client, B, prior year girl lead, WX, prior year guy lead, J, and moi.

I had 3 Coronas, and an Erdinger. Whoopee.

During the drinking session, a member of the party casually hinted that a visit to a nightclub was necessary in order for the client to experience a fulfilling night enjoying what Singapore had to offer. Being the chikopeh client, the suggestion was made for Shanghai Dolly.

We entered the club and my manager paid for a bottle of Chivas, which pained WX who then ordered another two bottles of the same stuff and paid it herself, I felt guilty but I was already dead broke for the month after some instant-gratification purchases which I don't regret (Haha!). I never did get to see us finish the three bottles, only managed to see 1.5 bottles get drained.

I have to mention: I suck when drinks get mixed, like different beers, and beers with whisky, etc.

Hammered or not, I managed to find my way home after getting myself released from the grasp of the chikopeh client, a totally challenging ordeal.

Still managed to whatsapp the boyfie, got to see a glimpse of him through a lousier-than-thou connection and then cried myself to sleep. Seriously. I need to get a grip. Ugh.

End of Night 2 of 115. I miss you, my love.

Night 1

The night has passed.

One of the most difficult nights that I've ever had to weather through. 

Seeing you with your luggage, seeing you check-in, seeing you enter that departure hall, seeing you stand at the customs counter, seeing you wave me goodbye, seeing you walk towards gate A11.

Going home without you was worse, getting down those steps alone, getting into the elevator alone, getting myself into the house alone, getting into our room alone, getting into bed alone.

I'm so sorry I couldn't hold back my tears, it began trickling as soon as I saw you turn after your last goodbye wave. The trickle turned to a endless gush once I got into the taxi. And though I wanted to stop when you FaceTime-d me, I couldn't. I'm sorry. 

The tears just kept racing down my face like an endless waterfall, I have no idea where the supply came from, I have no idea where the strength to cry came from, nor do I know where sleep was hiding, it might have been sick of my wails, as the thing I knew, it punched me in the face and knocked me out.

I awoke at 7.45am without the help of the alarm that Siri set for me, as that damned piece of technology ran out of charge during the night. 

I felt like a robot, going through the motions, knowing where you'd be if you were around, placing you in the room with my imagination, and erasing you to accept that you weren't there.

I miss you so much that it hurts so bad. Night 1 of 115 has passed. I will look to this Day 1 without you with the objective of survival, to survive this day without too many tears, without too many falls.

The aircraft you're in is probably about to begin it's descend into Doha. I just passed Orchard MRT. 

The Reason is You

Today is the second last day before the dreaded flight.
The second last day before I go home to an empty room, filled with memories, but void of his warmth.
For a minimum of 2 years.

During this 2 years, I am compelled to get the following checked off my to-do list.

1) Get bloody blogging with consistency!
2) Learn a new language that I've zero familiarity with!
3) Get lean, mean and fit.
4) Stay complexion healthy.
5) Save. (Duh I mean money)

All these, whilst maintaining my love for good food, good clubbing, good friends, and being a good daughter + sister. Two years now seem short, talk about a tall order.

I have to get this list out before he leaves, for fear that I will use his leaving tomorrow as an excuse to begin my waterfall of emotions, to procrastinate every good intent, and worst of all, to not make good these two precious years of my life whilst he's away.

Plus points to ensure achievements of the above...

1) I have access to a PC, everyday.
2) Duolingo (a fantastic "learn-a-new-language app"
3) Bishan has a bloody awesome swimming complex, a new gym.
4) Sleep? Fruits? We'll get there later.
5) This needs more thinking. (Wait)

If he's determined to make this move to make a change for the better, then why should I not?
Fiercely determined.